Am I dreaming?

Dreams. A word that gives hope of happiness. Everyday we deal with the hardest situations, but the thought that one day that dream might come true just helps to make everything better.

Everybody has dreams. The best career, meeting that one special guy, freedom. When we were younger, we dreamt hard. We were not afraid to want to be a princess or something. We were so naive to think that anything could happen. My dream when I was younger was to be an actress. Well it still kinda is. It was what gave me my passion for singing and acting. Now, one of my biggest dream is to be happy. I guess thats all that really matters. We want that career to be happy, freedom to be happy. But happiness, is that really easy to achieve?

When we were younger, there were no problems. We were jealous of other's candy. We cried when we fell down. We smile when we see something funny. We didn't have to worry about anything. Now, we all suffer from insecurity. We cry when we're heartbroken. We fake smiles. And it seems that everything is to be burden on us. Its like happiness only came from our childhood. Stark reality comes rushing in as soon as we grow older.

There was once, I had a band performance, and I was really enjoying the time with my friends. I had a really bad day before that, and was trying to be extremely outgoing to forget about all stress. I tried to be happy. But as soon as my performance was over, I came home to find that everything was wrong. My family members had fought and everyone was so silent. Normally I would just let it go, I mean its life, there would be bound to have fights. But no, I took everything so seriously. Because I realized that when I tried to be happy, in the end everything would be wrong. I put my hopes so high, and the higher I go, the harder I fall.

So I guess true happiness is to leave everything to God. Just not expect anything, so you won't be disappointed. Just let go, let situations take its natural route. Happiness is, a road to your dreams. In a more peaceful state of mind would it be easier to work hard in whatever we want.

But even if we leave it to God, how we feel is still in our control. Its either you play safe and not be as happy as you actually can. Or you take the risk and go all out, laugh, smile, but you just might be disappointed all over again.

So it all boils down to one final word. Hope. We all hope that we can get to our dream. We all hope for happiness.

One Smile. :)

Does anyone really care?

Those everyday problems we all meet as teenagers, insecurities, parents, stress. And then you really think if there is anyone feeling the same way, having those exact same questions. Well I guess there will probably be many teenagers having such problems, and I guess we all need a shoulder to lean on. Many people probably would have a solution to that. "Get a boyfriend!" They would say. Well yea, I guess to some extent, it would help to have someone by your side when you're feeling down. But hey, don't many relationships end up breaking both parties heart? And even if most couples would disagree, what about those singles? Does that mean they'll have to suffer in their own thoughts and feelings?

I used to, well I still do, suffer from these problems. I had too many responsibilities pushed to me, and my parents were not supportive in the things I love. I also hated myself and suffered from a hell lot of insecurities. At one point it got so serious that I did things that I regret. All these things was because I thought too little of myself, and also did not want to burden others.

Okay, now when you read till here, I might look like I'm some friendless loser. Well, no. Infact I had plenty of friends. There were so many people who seemed to care for me, some which I shared my problems with. But as my thoughts and stress got into me, I pushed people away. Not physically, but mentally, without even knowing it. My mind told me that those people don't actually care for me. They just text me and asked about my problems because they thought they had to, beacause they were put to be in charge of me. Even if it doesn't seem to be the case, my mind would make up excuses for their care, and I would feel so down, and empty.

Empty. Emptiness. The feeling like there's no hope, no happiness. When you just wanna lie on your bed. When you just wanna so badly tell someone. That feeling sucks.

A few years ago, when I was younger, I used to think that people who cut themselves and do all those stupid shit were losers. Well now I understand. Sometimes your thoughts consume you, and you cry till you cannot take it anymore. That's what happens. Those losers I once mocked seem to appear so strong. Well, not exactly. They are probably struggling.

So where are those people when we need them? One text. One hug. One smile. Might just be what these broken hearts need.