Well no, it won't be. And you don't understand. You don't understand how it feels to cry to sleep. To force a smile. To cut yourself. To be disappointed. To want to get hit by a car whenever you cross the road. No, you don't. It really hurts to just hear the same consolation time and again: "Its going to get better. You'll be okay." Well no. You don't just magically feel better after someone says that. You don't stop hurting, stop crying. Everything's the same. But people just keep asking if I'm fine. And if I say no, the reply would be: "You'll be fine." The thing is, when someone asks you if you're okay, they really don't want an answer.
I'm sick and tired of people pretending to care just to finish the 'job' of caring for me, and when I want to talk about something else, the answer is no because you're fine and you don't need my help. The end. I'll come to you when you're about to jump off Wickery Bridge. It sucks having to deal with the thought of someone just wanting to care for you, to just 'make you feel better'. I mean, I get it. You want to care, but if you really do care then stick with me throughout the good and bad times, not just the bad times. It makes me so disappointed and annoyed. If you want to just be my 'guardian' and not my friend, then it'll be much better to just not care. I'll be able to deal with it on my own.
People always say get friends that are with you during your lowest moments. That really ain't the best expression. If I truly wanted to be there for someone, I'll be happy to laugh and smile with her, not just console her only when she needs it.
Its really confusing for me, it really is. Do people really care, or they just want to make an impression? I really would rather just burying my feelings and not tell them to anyone, because few really do care. Its not worth the risk. Everyone just expects a "Hey, I have a problem." not a "Lets go watch a movie!" What's happening? Really.
Maybe feelings are meant to be hidden. Just maybe.
